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2-07: Brave Enough To Decide Who You DON'T Want To Be

becoming brave 101 being the real me best life reinvent myself Mar 19, 2022
Reinvent yourself after 50
 

Brave Enough To Decide Who You Don't Want To Be

(00:01):

"Bold! To be bold is...

To laugh in the face of fear.

It's holding your head high as you stride with steadfast stability and purpose being bold.

It isn't just a hobby. It's a lifestyle. And it's embedded deep within you. You have to reach in and pull it out."

These words are from somebody I came across on Google, cuz I am just , you know, a famous 'Googler'. As my husband says, Google is your friend. You can find anything on there.

(00:40):

So what I wanted was to find a bold statement about how somebody wanted to live their lives. And this is what came up.

I came across this podcast and blog on minimalism. Her name is Rebecca Crespo and her website is called "Minimalism Made Simple".

Now to continue on with her definition of 'bold'..

(01:17):

She says, "It's laughing at anxiety and nervousness and trudging forward through life with utmost confidence and courage.

It's also letting your personality shine any way you please and ignoring anyone who smirks or sneers at you." (Don't you love it?)

Bold people let things slide off their backs while they focus on walking toward their goals and aspirations."

This is what it means to be bold. It's awesome.

(01:56):

These are examples of how somebody wants to live her life. I want you to take the is in. Rebecca's podcast and entire website is dedicated to simple living, minimalism, personal growth and sustainability.

Now, what does that tell you about how she wants to live her life?

On the 'About Rebecca' page, she says she started her journey of minimal living three years ago when she decided to leave the soul-sucking corporate world (well said) and fit only her essential items - listen to this - into a small red carry on to fulfill her lifelong dream of traveling the world.

Wow! You go, girl! Isn't that incredible? That is so bold.

 

Find my purpose and passion in life

(03:04):

Rebecca is an example of somebody who is choosing a very definite type of lifestyle for a very definite reason in her life. We call that having a vision and a purpose.

This is what we've been talking about, right? Deepening your picture, the description, of who you want to be. Your IDENTITY.

(03:32):

An identity is a word that can have a lot of shades of meaning but really it's simply the beliefs you use to define what makes you unique as a human being. Sometimes we can see that more easily when we look at other people.

Like Rebecca. She definitely is an example of somebody who walked away from a lifestyle she didn't want in order to embrace a lifestyle that she really wanted.

She did this by:

1. Knowing who she didn't want to be anymore.

2. Knowing who she did want to be, how she wanted to see herself and

3. Taking the steps to get there.

 

Your Bridge to finding your purpose in life

(04:26):

Remember the bridge. She had an outcome, a dream, something she was hanging onto on the other side of her bridge.

Now, when she made the decision to cross her bridge, I can bet she was probably stuck in that corporate world, right? I don't know all the details of her story, but I'm thinking, because she said she was tired of being a part of the soul-sucking corporate life, that she was there, in that life.

She was at the beginning of her bridge.

Her vision, her dream, her outcome was to totally downsize her life to totally simplify who she was.

In between the beginning and reaching the end of her bridge, she had all of these steps that she was taking, that she was making and that she had to figure out.

Somehow she did it. She did it!

And that's what I want you to grab onto today.

So think about yourself.

 

How To Reinvent Yourself At 50

(05:35):

This is what Rebecca did. She knew who she didn't want to be anymore. She knew that she didn't want to be in that soul-sucking corporate world anymore.

She knew she didn't want her life cluttered.

She wanted clarity, simplicity, a minimalist lifestyle.

She didn't want to be trapped any longer in a life that wasted her time while she was here on this earth.

She clearly wants to be - present tense because this is now the life she's living - she wants to be a whole lot more intentional. Her blog, by her podcast tell the story.

Now she teaches other people to do this.

(06:28):

So what about you?

I want you to think what don't you want in your life.

Remember the categories that we've been talking about in the last few podcasts. It's the wheel and you divided that like a pie into pieces and each piece represents a piece of your life.

(06:47):

A persona, a role that you need to play in your life like wife, like career woman, like mom, like... healthy person.

You know, all of those things you need to define in a way that brings you so much passion, so much juice.

Rebecca had this vision in her mind, first of all, for what she did not want that to look like.

I want you to think about that too, because, so it's easier to think about what we DON'T want than it is to think about what we DO.

Sometimes when we don't want it, all we have to do is then write the opposite and we come up with what we do want.

 

Who do you want to be?

(07:34):

So in each of those categories, in your entire life, think about it.

What makes you sigh, grit, your teeth and grin and bear every time you have to do something...

Or endure somebody in your life?

What are those things in your life that make you wanna tear your hair out if you had to do them - if you have to do them - one more time?

(07:54):

You're stuck. Because you know that you do have to do it one more time.

Maybe it's your job.

Maybe it's the way certain people treat you and put their expectations on you.

Maybe it's in how you look - your weight or your attraction factor.

How you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror.

Now no judgment here.

We're looking at the things that you know you can't take with you if you're going to reach the other side of the bridge - for the sake of your health, your well being.

It affects how you feel about yourself. Consider those things.

 

Learn how to love yourself and be confident

(08:35):

We want to get you - no, wait. YOU want to get you to the life that you love.

Like Rebecca did.

She had to figure out what she didn't want, but she also then had to replace it with what she did want, knowing who she wanted to be.

(08:55):

Rebecca made simple decisions. In her blog and in her podcast, she talks about minimalist - minimalism, sorry, made simple.

She made a decision to downsize her life. "No more crumbs. I want the whole cake."

 She had to make that decision. The decision is yours.

Remember you are that heart walking on a path. Rebecca is an individual person, unique, with her own gifts, with her own interests, with her own heart, walking on a path called life.

So are you.

(09:41):

She made decisions. She was tired of the type of life that she was living.

And she was in a world where she didn't want to be anymore.

She didn't want to be pulled by all the consumerism, by the things that made her feel as if she was being begged, being asked, to be somebody that she didn't want to be.

So she whittled down all of her possessions.

I'm sure, before she even did that, though, she probably whittled down her mental clutter - what was going on in her head.

And made those decisions.

I want to be this person.

I don't want to be this person.

I am this kind of person. And I want to be true to that.

(10:34):

She whittled everything down so that it fit into a suitcase that she could take with her.

Now, WHY did she do that? She says she did it because she wanted to travel the world. She had always wanted to travel the world. There was her big WHY.

She did it.

When you look at what she now teaches others to do, you know that she did.

Imagine all your possessions in a suitcase. Now that was her world. That's what she wanted.

In fact, she now lives in Spain by the way, which would be an amazing place to live.

 

You decide. What does it mean for you to live life to the fullest?

(11:18):

I'm not sure where she started out, but you know, she went for what she wanted and she's living the life that she wanted to live.

So how about you? Let's bring this back home. How do you want your life to look?

When you think about how you don't want it to look now, sometimes when you write that down, as I said, you just have to write the opposite in the column next to it.

What do you want? How do you want your life to look?

(11:51):

 

Be Brave Enough to create your own vision for your life

In a nutshell it was: to live a simple, minimal life. That was her vision.

And she knew why she wanted to do it. Her ultimate reason was that she didn't wanna be blocked in. She wanted to travel the world.

She discovered, I'm thinking somewhere along the way, a new purpose in life as she to make the world a better place by helping others to learn how to de-clutter their own worlds.

 

Be Brave Enough To Stand Up For Your Own Values

(12:27):

It's amazing when you begin to really look inside your heart and see what it is that you want to do, what you discover there.

She realized that the lifestyle she was living didn't line up with her values, values that were important to her.

Those included peace and contentment, quiet, love, clarity, purpose. Those were the values that were important to her.

She changed her life to line up with her values and her beliefs.

Her beliefs about who and what should be her priority.

About time, about what was meaningful to her.

 

Be Brave Enough to Set A New Standard

(13:11):

And she changed the standards that she set for herself. She set new standards to line up with those beliefs and with those values.

So think about it.

What are your values?

What is really important to you?

Rebecca's were peace, contentment, quiet, love, clarity. What is important to you?

Is your life lining up with that?

Now, if your life were to line up with your beliefs, with your values, what you really hold as important to you in this life, what would your life look like if you were to do that?

 

Be BOLD

(14:01):

If you could have the "bold" that Rebecca described - remember:

"...to be bold is to laugh in the face of fear.
It's holding your head high as you stride with steadfast stability and purpose. It's a lifestyle.
It's laughing at anxiety and nervousness and trudging
toward that life with utmost confidence and courage."

If you could do this, if you could be bold enough, brave enough to live this kind of life, what would you do?

(14:34):

If you could pull your shoulders back, lift your chin, stand tall and strong...

If you could talk to yourself the way that Rebecca talked herself into her big WHY...

If you could focus on what you believe makes life good and fun and light and meaningful.

These are the three pillars of success. What would you do?

(15:05):

If you could take action...

If you could use the right words for yourself...

If you could focus on what is important to you, what would you do?

What I don't want to do is to worry about the HOW when you do this.

The first thing you always need to do is get your vision down. The outcome at the other side of that bridge.

Don't worry about the HOW right now. Worry about the picture. What does that look like for you?

And if you can, go right now and write it down, just briefly, write it down. What would that life look like?

(15:54):

The third thing that Rebecca did - building on her vision - was then to take action.

She figured out the HOW that she was going to get to that lifestyle.

This is important stuff.

If you are used to your corporate world, however that looks... your cluttered world, gritting your teeth and bearing it.

If you are used to all of that, that becomes your comfort zone and BEWARE because  your Fiery Fear Dragon will tell you to stay where it's safe.

To stay where you're comfortable. That changing is more scary than staying where you are. I'm gonna tell you that that's absolutely not true.

(16:42):

Remember the story of Sleeping Beauty that I've referenced many times in this podcast. It's a picture of our lives.

Sleeping Beauty pricked her finger on the spindle of pain. And she went to sleep.

You don't want your heart to do that. You could have a heart right now that pricked its finger on pain.

And as a result said, I don't want that anymore.

(17:15):

I don't want pain and I'm just going to go to sleep.

I'm just going to coast in my life and stay as it is because I don't wanna feel hurt anymore.

Maybe you blame somebody in your life for pushing you into the lifestyle that you're living right now.

Maybe your ex left you financially destitute.

Maybe your dad told you at some point when you were a teenager, that he was disappointed in you, and you'd never measure up to his standards for you.

(17:48):

Maybe a teacher shamed you...whatever it was, we all have those moments of pain where we're tempted to just put our hearts to sleep.

Can I tell you that the real pain is going into a life that is dull and boring with no sparkle.

The first step for discovering what it is about how you can get to what the life that you really want is to figure out what's keeping you from going for your dream.

(18:28):

In fact, that's 80%. 80% of reaching any destination is your mindset is believing.

It's what you believe.

It's what you focus on.

It's what you do.

The action that you take.

That's 80% of it. The 20% is the mechanics of it.

Those are the steps that you need to take. That's 20%.

So if you figure out what's blocking you from that, you're going to see that you're going to take care of 80% of getting there.

(19:04):

Rebecca gave herself a big why.

She reached a place where she had had enough of the corporate world.

Enough of having others' opinions forced on her, enough of the consumerism.

And she decided that she was going to do something different. That she was going to be true to her own heart.

And she calls that path a journey. We know that it didn't happen overnight. There were steps involved.

(19:39):

The most important thing is that she started.

And, as she went, the journey unfolded and the steps became clear.

Now here's what I want you to do.

1. I want you to decide to go back and really think. Decide what you don't want your life to look like five years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now.

What clutter do you want to eliminate in your life? Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally - what clutter do you wanna just get rid of?

(20:13):

What don't you want in your life?

2. Secondly, I want you to decide what you want it to look like.

What is it that would be that life that you dream of. If your heart had everything it wanted, what would that look like?

You know, to discover this, I want you to sit down.

I just want you to start writing and I don't want you to stop until you're done until you have absolutely no more to write.

If you have to set a timer for 20 minutes and don't let yourself stop until that timer goes off. Just write.

(20:54):

"I want to be...

I want...

I need...

I love...

I am... All of those kinds of things.

Start your sentences with those.

Figure out what your vision is for your life. Who do you wanna be?

What do you want in your life?

And then the third thing is the how.

But right now, as you are writing all of this, I want you to forget about the 'how'. That comes next.

(21:24):

I want you to just let it go. I want you to breathe and I want you release it.

Do not let those questions come into your mind. "Well, how would I ever do that?"

Or "That's impossible. I can't do that".

I know. I've been there. Remember the bridge.

Know the outcome that waits for you.

That's where you need to focus. 80% of getting there is how, what you're thinking in your mind, how you're seeing yourself, how you're seeing others, it's your beliefs.

(21:59):

Let the steps reveal themselves one by one as we go. Trust me. Again, 80% of reaching your dream is what's going on in your head.

So first define what it is you want because your brain is such an amazing instrument. Your brain is like a computer. Once you tell it where you want it to go, it will begin to show you how to get there.

Trust that process. It's it's the way we human beings are made.

(22:35):

Be bold. Remember Rebecca tells us that it's to laugh in the face of fear. It's holding your head high.

As you stride with steadfast ability and purpose. Being bold isn't just a hobby. It's a lifestyle and it's embedded deep within you. You have to reach in and pull it out.

_________________________________________

I'm Bernice McDonald and I'm a Mindset Coach. I help women beyond 50 who are seeing their dreams disappearing off into the distance as they age and feeling the fear of inevitably becoming invisible.  Together we identify your vision, break through the wall of fear and past stories  to develop a plan that will shift your eyes to a much more exciting focus  other than "getting old"
 
You will be ecstatic as you see yourself stepping into your purpose, finding the courage to make those bold decisions and, best of all, falling in love with this next phase. Embracing the rest of  life instead of sitting it out.  Meet with me to set up your Personal Aging Beautifully Plan
 
 

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