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Episode #50: What's Your Life "Word"...Naughty? Nice? Or Simply Brave?

aging with grit and grace brave enough fearless after 50 love your life questions aging brings up Dec 15, 2021
 

It's almost Christmas right now and I just saw the most beautiful ad. I believe it was for a children's hospital or a children's charity where kids are sick or having to have surgery.

The slogan says that "At Sick Kids, there  is no naughty or nice, there's only the Brave."



Not only did that touch my heart.  I thought, "Wow. That is so powerful"

 



It's not about defining yourself as naughty or nice - even after 50 - but rather about seeing yourself as being 'Brave' because, really, it's all about identity, isn't it?.

It's asking the questions. "Who am I? Who do I want to be?"

"What is keeping me from being 'that'?"

"What is standing in my way? What is the wall?" That very question, 'What's the wall" - keeping you from being the best that you can be - becomes your most epic Challenger in this life.

 

Your Challenger

Defeat this Challenger and you demolish what's stopping you.

This is what I want for you. To be S.O.F.T. and Strong...to be brave enough for love. Not just romantic love but to have love for your heart. Love for life. Love for who you are and living that out after 50 during the last quarter of your life. Somebody who enjoys and embraces who they are.



If you can overcome that Challenger, you are out for the races, as they say. You will be able to keep walking your path with strength and joy and dignity because you will demolish the wall that is really your Fear Story.

When that wall is your focus and you see clearly that what you're focusing on is holding you back from becoming everything that you are meant to be - well, that's where the magic happens.

 

S.O.F.T. is the new Strong

In my last post, we talked about finding your 'word' because, when you think of your identity, it's who you are.



It's who you know, deep inside, you are meant to be. Who you are when you strip away all of the expectations others put on you, all of the things that you don't like about yourself.

It's who you're meant to be and how you're meant to show up in the world to make a difference. That, my beautiful ladies, is the place where you need to go to be the most incredibly effective person. The person who owns who she is.

So let's figure out your 'word'. We always label ourselves. Life does that to us.



My label? I defined myself until I was probably close to 50 as "unlovable".

There's more. I also felt like I was "an irritation". That was the story my childhood gave me and I never even realized it until I stopped to really think about how I summed myself up.

Can you see how those 'words' could become the barriers? When those 'words' become the definition of 'who I am', I will stop in my tracks. I will be frozen whenever I  try to take a step forward - which is exactly what was happening in my life.



The good news is that S.O.F.T. is the new Strong.

I created the acronym S.O.F.T. because I wanted to give you a way to grow your 'Strong' but to do it so that your Strong is toward the inside giving you freedom to shine your Soft toward the world on the outside.

When you're S.O.F.T., you're open. You're facing your fear in a way that almost makes you feel as if you're fearless. You are more loving than you are fearing.

You're allowing your love to conquer your fear and you're seeing the people around you in the light of softness.



They feel that in you which makes you way more effective.

So the word S.O.F.T. becomes a pathway to being the best you.

How will you feel when you are the best "you"?

Beautiful. Intelligent.

Accepting of your strengths, thinking less of your weaknesses.

You're going to be at peace with your life. At peace with who you are, knowing this sets you free to not have to be like anyone else or to be what someone else tells you that you should be.



Think about that for a moment. Doesn't that sound amazing? Wouldn't you just love to live your life like that? I hope you've had a taste of what that feels like.

 

Who is the Hero who lives inside you?

You are not your body. You live inside your body. As you age this as a really, really important thing to grab onto.

You are a person walking on a path. You are a heart, your heart, or your soul, the core of who you are, whatever you want to call it. I call it your heart. And it lives inside your body.



While you're walking this path, bombs go off. Boulders drop on you, rendering you powerless for a little while.

People throw rocks at you from their own paths - rocks like hurtful words or actions or expectations.

When these things happen around you, you are the one who makes the decision about who you're going to be in the middle of all of that. You have that power to make that choice.

And you're the only one who can do it for you.

 

Your most Epic Mission is your 'Word'

Your most Epic Mission is this. It's defining that Hero who lives in you. The one who can overcome the Challenger.

To find the person inside who has this strong identity, who believes in herself, who knows she has the power to make her own decisions about who she's going to be and how she's going to show up in the world.



Your word is your super power. It's the center of your character.

What I've found is that, instead of trying to find your purpose and attempting to define this big mission such as stopping world hunger, it's so much easier to find the core of who you are. The heart of who you are and just to become that every day, all the time, wherever you are.

Your word becomes the expression of your SOFT.

It's the core of your Strength.  That's the 'S' in S.O.F.T.



It's the fire in being open to the magic. The 'O' in S.O.F.T is 'open'.

Your word shrinks your fear. It becomes your love in action which is greater than fear. The "F" in S.O.F.T. is Fearlessly Loving.

Your word also gives you an anchor for being True to Yourself, which is the 'T' in S.O.F.T.

So you are strong. You are open. You are fearlessly loving. And you are true to yourself.

 

So how do you find your word?

My word is' to inspire'.



Now I am such a nerd that I had to go look up the definition which is what I encourage all my clients to do. When you latch onto a word that feels true to who you are, find out what it means. 

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To inspire:  to impart courage, inspiration, and resolution, to animate, to cheer on, to embolden, to light the fire in other people.

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This is why I am doing what I do.



I can be this  be this - anywhere.

I can see inside somebody else's heart. See what they're afraid of and encourage them to become the true person that they are.

I have an entire process for you to help you define it and to live it in the Secret Inner Hero Society. I'm going to be opening up spots in the Society very soon so keep your eye on my website.

In the meantime, though, I have these questions that I want you to ask yourself. Think them through.



You'll find these in the book, "The Big Leap" by Gay Hendricks. So if you want to get some more in-depth information on this, I hope you'll be 'inspired' to download his book.

1. What do I love to do?



2. What work do I do that doesn't seem like work? 

3. What could I keep on doing forever and not even notice the time passing?



This is an important thing to know, because you need to know what feeds your soul. You need to know what inspires your heart.

What are you doing when you are getting filled up? Knowing this will grow your word. Your Superpower.

What are you really, really gifted at doing? And there's no room for humility here.

There's no room for judgment. This is not about being naughty or nice. This is stepping away from yourself and being very objective. Just looking at yourself like you're under a magnifying glass.

Finish these statements.

I'm at my best when ____________________________



What are you doing when you feel absolutely at your best?  __________________

When I'm doing this, the thing I love most about it is _________________.



You'll feel an inner glow of warmth and excitement when you're in what Gay Hendricks calls your 'Zone of Genius'...when you're doing what you love to do, what you are made to do.

This is why I am a coach. This is why I do what I do and have been building this business and now creating the Secret Inner Hero SocietyIt's who I am.

And when I'm doing it, I feel that inner glow of warmth and excitement. I am encouraging hearts to find the way that lights them up. I am 'inspiring' others.



I inspire. I inspire everywhere. When I'm talking to a grocery clerk, I seek to light them up.

When I'm talking to people I work with, I want to see their heart and I want them to see their own heart. I want them to appreciate their hearts.

I do this everywhere - with my family. On vacation. With my husband.

This is who I am. It's not who YOU have to be. You have your own Inner Secret Heroic power that is yours alone.

You may be able to say...

I love.

I encourage.

I help.

I lighten a load.



How about 'I bring joy?"

I hug in some way. A hug is not always physical. I have a friend who volunteers as a 'hugger' at a Farmer's Market - at least she did before COVID struck. She expresses what she has to give to the world as a 'hug'.

What is your word?



You can stop thinking of yourself as naughty or nice or unlovable or an irritation. and, instead,  think of yourself as Brave. - Brave Enough to show up as who you are, deep in your heart.

This is how you become strong on the inside...so you can live as a soft reflection of who you are on the outside.

Change your focus from what's happening in your body as the aging process happens.

Stop being absorbed by all the events that are happening around you - the bombs, the boulders, the rocks being thrown at you.



Instead, make a decision about who you're going to be in the middle of all that.

As you walk your path, make it your intention to being Brave Enough to bring the something wonderful inside of you to the world.

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Bernice McDonald is a Mindset Coach who  inspires women beyond 50 seeing their dreams disappearing off into the distance as they age. She gives them new eyes and a new fire inside as they step into their purpose, find the courage to make bold decisions and grow to fully love this next phase.

 


(1s): So somebody says to you, "Tell me about yourself." What do you say? Do you use all the words that kind of fall into the naughty territory? Or do you use kind of lukewarm words I fall into the nice territory, or do you have a belief, such a belief in yourself that you would consider yourself and describe yourself as brave, brave enough to live your life in a way that makes a difference. Brave enough to know that word that describes how you are meant to show up in the world and how you make a difference today. (41s): We're going to talk about how you can find that word. You can be brave enough to live a life beyond 50, that takes your breath away. So come on in and let's do it. This is the podcast that walks you down the path from not enough to brave enough for love for life, for making a difference in this world. However, that looks for you. This is where the secret inner hero society is alive and well. And you are going to be inspired by the stories of women who are doing it, being brave enough to love, again, to live this life with courage. (1m 24s): I'm Bernice McDonalds, and I am excited to have you here. So get on in here and let's do this So it's almost Christmas at the time of this recording. And I just saw the most beautiful ad. I believe it was for a children's hospital or a children's charity, but a children's situation where our kids are sick and having to have surgery on their, in the hospital. And the whole slogan was about these children are not naughty or nice. (2m 4s): They're just brave. And I thought, wow, that is so powerful. By the way, I am very proud of myself for being brave enough to be recording episode number 50. Wow. It's taken me a little over a year to do this, to get to this place. Many ups and downs and fears and trap edition trepidations, and all of the things that go with being uncertain, if you're going in the right direction or how to do something new, but I made it this far to episode number 50. (2m 46s): So whew. Celebrate with me. But the thing that I want you to do is really the thing that I want to give to you through this podcast, soft and strong, how to be brave enough for love, but not just romantic love, love for your heart. Love for life. Love for who you are and living that out after 50 live in your lap, the last quarter of your life, as somebody who enjoys and embraces who they are. (3m 30s): So it's not about defining yourself as naughty or nice, but rather to see yourself as being brave, because really it's all about identity. Isn't it. It's asking the questions. Who am I, who do I want to be? And what is keeping me from being that? What is standing in my way? What is the wall? That very question. What's the wall. That's keeping me from being the best that I can be becomes your most epic challenger in this life. (4m 14s): If you can overcome that challenger, you are out for the races, as they say, you will be able to keep walking your path with strength and joy and dignity, because that wall is really your fear story. That wall is your focus. And when you see clearly that what you're focusing on is holding you back from becoming everything that you are meant to be whoo. That's where the magic happens. Last episode, we talked about finding your word because when you think of your identity, it's who you are. (4m 58s): It's who, you know, deep inside that you are meant to be who you are when you strip away all of the expectations, others put on you, all of the things that you don't like about yourself, it's who you're meant to be and how you are meant to show up in the world to make a difference. That my beautiful ladies is the place where you need to go to be the most incredibly effective person. The most, the person who owns who she is. So let's figure out your word. We always label ourselves life does that to us. (5m 43s): We create labels for who we are, my labels, which is what, how I define myself up until I was probably close to 50 and beyond was unlovable. That was one of my labels. I also felt like I was an irritation that came out of my childhood and I never even realized that until I started to really think about how I summed myself up. And you can see when those become the barriers, when those become the definition of who I am, you can see how that will stop you from doing what sprays, how that will, will stop you in your tracks. (6m 27s): Many times when you try to take that step forward, the good news is soft is the news strong. That's why I created the acronym soft, because what we want to do is grow your strong, but we want to do it in a way. So you're strong on the inside so that you can be soft to the world on the outside. Because when you're soft, you're open, you're facing your fear. You're fearless. You are, you are loving more than you're fearing. You're letting your love conquer your fear and your, your seeing the people around you with a softness. (7m 11s): And they are feeling that in you, which makes you way more effective. So the word soft becomes a pathway to being the best to you. How are you going to feel when you are the best you you're going to feel beautiful. You're going to feel intelligent. You're going to feel accepting of your strengths and not focusing on your weaknesses. You're going to be at peace with your life. You're going to be at peace with who you are, knowing this sets you free to not have to be like anyone else or to be what someone else tells you that you should be. (7m 58s): Doesn't that sound amazing? Wouldn't you just love to live your life like that. I hope that you've had a taste of that. The secret to this is to find the hero who lives inside you. You are not your body. You live inside your body. And as we age this as a really, really important thing to grab onto you are a person walking on a path. You are a heart, your heart, or your soul, the core of who you are, whatever you want to call it, I call it your heart lives inside your body. (8m 45s): When you realize that that you're walking this path on these bombs, go off on these boulders, drop on you, rendering you powerless for a little while. When people throw rocks at you from their own paths, rocks like hurtful words or actions or expectations. When that happens to you, you the one who makes the decision about who you are going to be in the middle of all of that. You have that power to make that choice. And you're the only one who can do it for you. Your most epic mission is this it's defined that hero that lives in you to find the person inside who has this identity, that believes in herself, that that knows she has the power to make her own decisions about who she's going to be and how she is going to again, show up in the world. (9m 49s): Now your word, which is your super power becomes the center of your character. And what I've found is that, instead of saying, you have a purpose and have this big, you know, to start with the mission, that huge mission about I'm meant to stop world hunger. It's so much easier to find the core of who you are, the heart of who you are, and just to become that every day, all the time, wherever you are, your word becomes the expression of your soft. It's the core of your strength. (10m 29s): That's the essence soft. It's the fire in being open to the magic open is the Owen soft. It shrinks your fear. It becomes your love in action, which is greater than fear, which is the AF in soft. And it gives you an anchor for being true to yourself, which is the tea and soft. So you are strong. You are open. You are fearless because you are love conquers, all fear, and you are true to yourself. My word is to inspire. (11m 10s): Now I am such a nerd. I had to go look up the definition and this is what I encourage my clients to do. To look up the definition. When you latch onto a word that feels true to you, find out what it means to inspire. I won't read you the whole thing because it would take you an hour. But to inspire to me means to impart courage, inspiration, and resolution, to animate, to cheer on, to embolden, to light the fire in other people. That's literally what inspire me. That's why I am doing what I do. (11m 51s): Now. I can be that anywhere. Any time I can see inside somebody else's heart and see what they're afraid of being, and encourage them to become the true person that they are. So how do you find your word? Wow. I have an entire process for you to help you define it and to live it in the secret inner hero society. I'm going to be opening up spots in the society very soon. So keep your eye on my website. In the meantime, though, I have these questions that I want you to ask yourself and to think through. (12m 36s): And these were triggered by the book again, the big leap by gay Hendricks. So if you want to get some inside information on that, download that book. Number one, what do I love to do now? For me? I sad. I love to have deep conversations with people. I read it this because I wanted to really nail this down and see if I was still on the right track. So I'm going to tell you what I, well, how I answered this to give you an idea for how you can do that. But I just love to have deep conversations with people. That's the long and short of it. Now that that leads to the second question. (13m 17s): What work do I do? That doesn't seem like work well, for me, it is to help people see their own intrinsic value, to have clarity, to see them break through, to believe in themselves. That kind of work does not seem like work to me at all. You're going to be different. You're going to have your own thing here, but seek it through. Now the third question, what could I keep on doing forever? And not even notice the time passing while for me to learn from someone who is writing and talking about the heart about purpose gifts and the zone of genius. (14m 3s): This is an important thing to know, because you need to know what feeds your soul. You need to know what inspires your heart. What are you doing when you are getting filled up? Because you need to tap into that in order to be able to grow your word, to be able to grow the influence that your word is going to give you so that this is where we need to look at what your unique ability as our, I call this your superpower. What are you really, really gifted at doing? And there's no room for humility here. (14m 44s): There's no room for judgment. This is not a naughty or nice situation. This is almost stepping away from yourself and being very objective and just looking at yourself. What is it that you're really good at doing and love to do the way that you can find this is to finish these statements. I'm at my best when fill that in for me, it's when I'm talking to people about who they are at their best. The second part of this is when I'm at my best, the exact thing I'm doing is, and we fill in that part. (15m 31s): What are you doing when you feel absolutely at your best? For me, it's sensing who people are and bringing that what I observed to their attention. That's what I'm doing when I'm absolutely lost in time. And the third part of this is when I'm doing this, the thing I love most about it is what I love most about it. When I am doing this is I see their eyes light up. I feel them searching for what's true. I feel them letting go of their fear just for a second, believing that there may be good in them and catching a glimpse, grabbing onto that and believing that seeking and clinging to that answer. (16m 24s): I feel an inner glow of warmth and excitement when I'm doing this. And this is going to be true for you too. You are going to feel that inner glow of warmth and excitement. When you are in your zone of genius, when you are doing what you love to do, what you are made to do, this is why I am a coach. This is why I do what I do and have been building this business and now creating the secret inner hero society, because this is who I am. And my word is to inspire. (17m 7s): I inspire. I inspire everywhere. When I'm talking to a grocery clerk, I try to light them up. When I'm talking to people I work with, I want to see their heart. I want them to see their heart. I want them to appreciate their hearts. I do it everywhere with my family. I do it when I'm on vacation, I do it with my husband. This is who I am. You may be able to say, I love, I encourage, I help. I lighten a load. (17m 48s): How about I joy? I hug in some way. I don't know how you hug. It's not always physical. I know a lady who has a job as a hugger. She lives in California at a farmer's market. I think she's back to that now after COVID, but that's so she expresses what she has to give to the world. How she shows up yours might be. I believe, I believe in people. I believe in the good, I believe in, in having a purpose. That may be your word. I softened. I give, what is your word? (18m 29s): It's a beauty of knowing your word. As you can stop thinking of yourself as naughty or nice or unlovable or an irritation. And instead you can think of yourself as brave, brave, because you're showing up as who you are deep in your heart. This is how you become strong on the inside. So use that. You can live as a soft reflection of who you are on the outside, toward the world, and stop focusing what's happening in your body. On the aging process, stop focusing on all the events that are happening around you, the bombs, the boulders, the rocks being thrown at you. (19m 17s): Instead, you can react. You can make a decision about who you're going to be in the middle of all that. As you walk your path, you can focus on what you are going to bring to the world. I love this. Check out my profile on Instagram, because I'm always back in this, up with the posts and the videos and all of that, that some of this, if you have questions, either message me. Let me help you figure this out. And remember pretty soon going to have seats open in the secret inner heroes society, where you can work through this stuff for an entire year, learning to be your best self strong, soft on outside, because soft is not for today. (20m 26s): I will talk to you.

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