S2 Ep 8 3 Ways To BE Brave Enough To Master My EmotionsMar 28, 2022
Aging Beautifully is attaching that word 'beautifully' to aging because when we think of that word 'aging' what kind of emotions come up for you?
With many of us, there are emotions that are not really positive, right?
We think of the saggy baggies.
We think of having to get fat.
We think of losing control of our own lives because other people take control - all kinds of things - emotions that are associated with that word 'aging'.
But when we attach that word 'beautifully' to it, it can change everything. Everything.
We're at a place in our lives, as we're looking ahead to that time when we're going to be aging, a wonderful place...because we can make those decisions.
Decisions Shape Our World
Just like Rebecca in the last episode where we talked about her being in the corporate world where she was trapped, felt as if she was in a box, a box that was closing in on her and she had to make that decision to break out of that box.
She sold everything she had -I don't know if she sold it - but she got rid of it and ended up with a suitcase that was one she could carry around so it couldn't have been very big or heavy. And that was all she had.
What that led her to was a business, creating an influence in the world about living as a minimalist. Her business is "Minimalism Made Simple" and you can find it online and listen to her podcast. She will teach you everything there is to know about living a simple life.
That was born because Rebecca felt as if she was being squished.
She didn't like her life the way it was.
She wanted to be in a different place. So she chose the life that she wanted to live.
Once the choice was made, can you imagine the emotions that she would've felt?
Freedom. Independence. Happiness. Joy.
All of those things that went along now with her making that decision about who she wanted to be. WHO she wanted to be which is the very key for Aging Beautifully, for becoming somebody that you are. The person that you are as you move forward in the decades to come.
A Life Vision Is Tied To Your Emotional Home
That starts in your fifties. You make that decision - it actually starts before that - to decide that this is the way my life is going to go.
Do you have a picture of that? Because what is going to really drive you forward to believe in that picture, that Aging Beautifully vision, which is what I work with women to create.
If you are going to build that vision, you will need to tie it to strong emotions.
Which is why I want to talk to you about your 'emotional home'.
We all have it. It could be negative or positive, but you know, "home" by its very definition is a place where you live. A place where you feel safe, where you are yourself, where you just let it all hang out.
The real you. That's kind of the definition of home, right? At least it is for me. I'm sure that you tie those kinds of feelings to being at home as well.
Feelings, feelings, feelings.
Feelings make up our world. And as women, we are very emotional creatures.
Sometimes we wish that we could live more in the positive emotions and the negative emotions would just disappear somewhere, right?
But I want to tell you, you can come to a place where you love your emotions. And you must come to that place because, when you tie your vision to these strong and positive emotions, you will begin to do anything to get there.
And that's what we need to do for you.
We need to make it such a strong compulsion to be the person that you want to be as you age, that you tell your brain to go there consciously or subconsciously. To look for ways for you to open the doors.
Again, Rebecca - that's what happened with her. Her emotions got to the place where, I would think, she was so low she had to make a choice. She had to change.
And so she broke out of her comfort zone and did some very drastic things like packing her whole life into a suitcase.
But it was then that opportunity opened up for her. And she began to see, step by step, how she could live the life that she wanted to live.
So emotions. Your 'emotional home'. It can either be a negative place or a positive place.
Your Emotions Are the Gatekeepers to Your Sweet Life
Many of us live in a place of anger, depression, fear. Those are the emotions that we mainly feel during the day. Or we always come back to.
Now, remember the secret to Aging Beautifully is that you can bring yourself back to a beautiful state, to a Sweet State in an instant. In the snap of a finger.
That you can bring yourself back when you fall into anger or when you fall into depression.
You are there for like 90 seconds (called the 90 Second Rule) and then you can remember who you are - the strength in you - and you bring yourself back to the place where you feel good about yourself.
The feelings that you feel about yourself then dictate the feelings that you put out there in the world.
You are constantly saying, "I like that feeling. I don't like that feeling."
"I want that feeling. I don't want this feeling."
Your Emotional Home
The 90 Second Rule can help you assess what will bring you back.
What kind of emotions do you live in every day? Just stop and think about it for a minute.
What are your key emotions?
What do you always seem to come back to when it's really quiet, when you're by yourself or after you've been in an incident?
What kind of feelings do you come back to? That's going to tell you a lot about yourself.
Are they negative feelings like anger and depression?, We call this the Crazy Eight.
People who fall into that cycle, usually, because anger at least gives you something strong to hang on to. You can feel as if you're doing something by shouting or expressing your anger or feeling it.
Depression is such a low emotion where you feel almost as if you're powerless. As if you're lying in bed. That's the kind of feeling depression brings you. So are those the feelings that you swing between?
Or do you find yourself tending to go to a place of optimism and hope, love and belief, goodness, and in the fact that things will turn out?
Can I just mention here the term 'suffering' because many times in our lives, we end up in a place of suffering.
Suffering is really thinking that you're stuck in your life and you have no options.
That is the true definition of suffering. "I am a victim in my life and I don't have any options. I'm gonna end up staying here forever. I don't have enough strength. I don't have enough intelligence. I don't have the right resources to get me out of this place".
That is true suffering. I don't want that for you.
And I hope you don't want that for you, either, as the people that end up in the greatest unhappiness, who sink into a place of no purpose are suffering.
They think that they have no other options.
We always have options. And I want you to believe in those options.
Emotions Are Tied To Your Beliefs
So here's the scoop. Emotions - how you feel - are really like balloons. Balloons that are tied to a chair.
Think of the long string from the balloon that's floating up there and those are your emotions.
Anger, depression, frustration. Or joy or love or excitement.
Whatever the emotions are, they are tied to this chair and sitting in this chair is you.
And your beliefs. What you believe is in the chair and that results in your emotions.
So if you are suffering and you believe you have no options and you are absolutely trapped, think of Rebecca again, in her corporate world, stuck in the box... then you are believing that you have no way out.
Your emotions are going to be determined by what you believe.
Now think about Rebecca. Think of her after she broke out of the box.
She probably felt ecstatic - so free.
So amazing. Filled with self-respect, with the endless possibilities.
Emotions like these make us jump out of bed in the morning, right?
In her chair, her beliefs were, "I could do anything. I can decide how I run my life."
Remember, you're a heart walking on a path. Life is simple. It's about how you see yourself and how you see others.
Beliefs Determine How You Live Your Life
If you see yourself as somebody who's stuck and unable to go forward, that's who you're going to be.
If you see others as controlling you and as people that you need to please, then that's how you're going to live your life.
So here's the solution.
- First of all, you need to stop the story that you're telling yourself.
What is in the chair? Change that story.
Stop believing what you're believing.
Say, "I'm not believing that story anymore. I'm not taking any more crumbs. I am not going to waste my life in this place of thinking I'm trapped. I am going to take control and I'm going to figure out what it is I want in life and I'm going to go for it."
That's stopping the story.
- Secondly, what you need to do is to change the story.
So you change the story to that one that you are now going to believe: "I can do anything I put my mind to. I want to be a Flight Attendant."
Think of my unsung hero, who did that. She was 72. And she also came out of her corporate bank world where she held a CEO position or something like that.
She decided she wanted to be a Flight Attendant. And she went for it.
That's changing her story. "I am defined as an executive. Whoa, wait a minute. No, I can do anything I want. I am going to be a Flight Attendant."
What would your story be?
- You're going to actually DO it. Change your Story.
If you could change your story about who you are and who you want to be, how would you change it? This step comes ONLY after you have done 80% of the work.
Set the new story firmly in your heart and your head.
So, first of all, you're going to stop that old story.
Secondly, you are going to change that story into one that you are going to grab onto - into one that you're going to believe from now on because, remember, 80% of getting to where you want to go is what you tell your mind.
What is in your heart, and what you tell your mind. That's 80%.
Third - the doing. The other 20%. That's the mechanics of it. That's the 'how' you get there. The action it takes.
So you stop your story and you change your story.
And then the third thing is you figure out the steps for how you're going to do that. And ONLY THEN do you begin putting one foot in front of the other to make it happen.
We're talking a lot about the number one and the number two here - about stopping the story you tell yourself and changing that story because Aging Beautifully is having that sense of adventure.
Aging Beautifully is knowing that everything you've done and been in your past life counts for something.
Aging Beautifully is about having purpose. It's about growing into the S.O.F.T. you.
What is the S.O.F.T. you?
It's the woman that (S) is Strong on the Inside.
It's the woman that (O) is Open to the magic in life, to every possibility.
It's the (F) in S.O.F.T. which is the woman who is Fearlessly Loving, who gives everything just to feel that sense of love and contribution.
And the T in S.O.F.T. is being True to herself. Being the woman who is absolutely true to herself. And that means knowing who you are.
To recap. To step into the world of S.O.F.T. is to:
- Stop the story that you're telling yourself.
- To change the story that you're telling yourself.
- Then let your brain start to show you how you are going to live in that new story.
Bernice McDonald is a Mindset Coach and Women's Life Coach who inspires women beyond 50 seeing their dreams disappearing off into the distance as they age. She gives them new eyes and a new fire inside as they step into their purpose, find the courage to make bold decisions and grow to fully love who they are in this next phase.
Stay connected. We all need to be connected to a group of people going in the same direction as we are.
Let me encourage you, inspire you or simply keep you informed.
Become a part of the Brave Heart Community.
We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason. Cancel at any time.